wish I could =( !!!!!!!

I can't even begin to tell you how I feel right now about having to leave Riley to go back to work ...... I didnt think I would be this way but I am ... I wish I could stay home so bad !!!! Of course .... we need to get a few things paid off before that could happen .... of course I have relly good insurance with my job so that part helps us out alot too ...... Hopefully once I get back to work it will get alittle easier, I do feel better that our moms will be wtching her but I would still rather be at home with her =) !!! Maybe with our next child, I could maybe stay at home with the kids =) !!!!! I am dreading April 5th so bad .....I just wanna cry and I am sure when it's closer .....I will cry alot more... I have already had one emotional breakdown... okay ,maybe 2 but the 2nd one wasn't too bad lol !!!!